03 3 / 2014
03 3 / 2014
"Something else changed you, something else happened because love does not just disappear."
03 3 / 2014
My Dearest Marine,
Words cannot explain how much I miss you. How much I miss your touch, your voice, your laugh, your kisses, even your sarcasm. I miss looking forward to the weekends because I knew I would take the long drive down to Camp Pendleton to see you.
I thought I was in love before. I thought that “love” was what I had with Aaron’s dad and that was how it was always going to be. But then I met you. You changed the meaning of “love” for me. The love I had with you was genuine and pure. Something I never felt before. Something that I don’t think i’ll be able to feel with any one else. And I don’t want to. In 3 short months you had the power to make me fall in love with you.
Not a day goes by that I don’t think about you. And though I can put a smile on my face and laugh like I don’t have a care in the world, I’m still hurting inside knowing that what we had, we’ll never have again.
I don’t know what we were thinking when we thought we can make our relationship just about sex. That’s all it was suppose to be. But some way or another, we ended up walking into dangerous territory.
I thought I can handle the type of relationship we had. I thought I’d be prepared for what was coming but I wasn’t. I just kept thinking about August and how you would be leaving the U.S. for 3 years. And how it would have never worked out between us. So instead of just enjoying for today I kept getting upset for tomorrow. Which is something I never should have done because that is what ended Us so early. Maybe it was a blessing in disguise so our feelings for each other wouldn’t have grown stronger and it wouldn’t hurt as much by the time August came around.
Or maybe it was a mistake? A mistake on my part. I know it was me who messed things up between us. I fell too hard and was too afraid of getting hurt by you that I pushed you away far enough so that you couldn’t. But in the end I hurt myself and probably you too. I wish I can take it back. I wish you would give me a second chance to show you that I’m not afraid and that I won’t do anything to hurt you.
I know I’ll never be able to tell you this in person. I know that you’ll never get to read this because I won’t even show you. But if did have the courage to let you read this, you would know how I truly feel. How I wish I can pick up the phone and text you. See how you are doing. What you are up to. If you’re happy?
Am I obsessed? Am I crazy for thinking that I fell in love with someone that I met at a party and got to know over SnapChats, text messages, and spent weekends? Am I crazy for thinking that the minute you touched me, I felt at ease and comfortable? Am I crazy for thinking that what we had was love?
I wish I knew the answers to these questions I wish I knew what you thought or what you think about me now. Or if you even DO think about me?
Should I text you? Or should I just accept that this is the end? That you were just someone that I met going through my journey of life. I wish I knew what I should so. So I can either move on or continue to have hope. That maybe one day we will have the relationship that we wanted. I don’t know. Maybe it’s just wishful thinking.
But what I do know.. was that when I was with you, I was happy. The happiest I had ever been. And what I do know that what I had with you, was something very special. And that I will never forget it. I know that you will forever be in my heart.
02 3 / 2014